I'm not really sure who i am anymore blog... and it very hard to write you when I am having an identity crisis because I cant write about the things I know and like if I'm not sure exactly what that is. So I'm going to put on my self analyzing hat and try to figure out what my trouble is.
Let me tell you a bit about me blog.
1. I am in my twenties
2. I have my associates in English
3. I am almost done with my schooling to become a pastry chef
4. I still live at home
5. my parents got divorced when I was in 7th grade
6. I have experienced heart break
7. I am in a committed relationship
8. I don't have many friends due 3,7,9
9. I work in customer service
10. I am a pleaser
11. I am a vegetarian
12. I analyze a lot
13. I am broke
14. I feel like I am going insane
I know that you are thinking blog - she knows all this but she doesn't know who she is? Exactly! So this is what I think is the trouble. The most important number on that list is number 10. I AM A PLEASER! this means I like to make other people happy. Not so bad right? not really, unless it means you make other people happy and neglect yourself. Number 10 is directly connected to almost every other number on that list that can be helped.
I want to make people happy and I lose myself. I become what I think makes the people I am with happy. That means I have many different faces - the student, the daughter, the girlfriend, the friend, the employee and so on. I know it is true to say that everyone has these faced but I feel like mine are completely separate from one another. It is exhausting to keep up with myself like this.
I also limit myself. I keep myself from doing things because i think it will upset someone (writing this blog for example.) I decide what I can and cant do based on what other people think and like. Then things I enjoy get forgotten or they become a guilty pleasure (Like listening to the radio.) After I go at this for a while I hit a rut and I'm not sure how to get out of it because I don't even know who I am anymore since my true identity had been beaten to death by my many persona's. Yikes!
So how do I solve this blog? I need to un-train myself. I need to become a me pleaser. do you have any idea how to go about that?
I dont think many of these things on this list really describe you, I think they're used as identifiers to place you in roles, but they don't really place you as you. Here are some things that, to me, you are: 1. an awesome friend 2. creative 3. a baker on your own accord 4. inspiration for penny.
ReplyDeletei can identify with this pleaser business. i do this sometimes with friends who have very strong personalities. i tend to lose myself. and sometimes the only way to regain myself is to take a break and seperate. remember who i am and what i want. remember what i wanted before.
think about these things: why are you a vegetarian? what made you go to school and get an english degree? how did your heartbreak change you? what are the guilty pleasures you've nearly forgotten about? why not do some of those things more often? how much time do you spend on your own, doing things simply for pleasure? why are you broke? who do you want to be? what makes it so that you aren't confident enough in your relationships that you can't be yourself? what do you think would happen if you just stood up and said NO?
- M